I’m not dead, I promise.

While I’m making adequate progress on editing what I hope will become my debut novel, as well as trekking through writing another book, one would think I’d be able to write just as avidly about other stuff.

But blogging is hard for me. Pathetically hard, in fact.

I forget about this blog for excruciatingly long stretches of time and only remember when I want to rant. And I don’t want a ranting blog, so I don’t post what I write. And then I get squashed under an overwhelming lack of anything meaningful to say, or I feel like I’m saying the same things over and over again…Especially when much of anything non-fiction I write tends to wax optimistic every single time, or have some kind of hopeful message that, after a while, feels dishonest or overly positive. It even happens when I’m generally feeling hopeless–whether it’s purely from habit, or it’s an attempt to soften the angst in my life, or insecurity about fully expressing said angst, or feelings that my life isn’t interesting enough for anyone to be truly interested……and I could continue muttering about possible reasons until the rise and fall of the zombie apocalypse…

I’m inclined to say I’ll do my best to do better. Maybe when school starts up. Maybe when I publish my book. Maybe when I figure out my life. But to be honest, I’ve determined to be better many times, with little actual progress to show for it. And I’m still fed up with pressuring myself to do anything.

But I still want to keep trying. Because, like everyone else in the world, my voice matters–and I’m still trying to convince myself of that.

So while this blog has had a fitful update schedule of late (meaning mostly no activity whatsoever), I haven’t given up yet.

To those who have stuck around: Thanks. :)

3 thoughts on “I’m not dead, I promise.

  1. Maybe you’re trying to do too many things at once. Why don’t you leave the second book alone until you have your debut book published. You can always blog about the trials of accomplishing that task and it will interest others going through similar things. Editing takes forever and will involve several complete readings of your book before it will be finished. I wish you well in what you eventually choose as a topic for your blog. Remember, you don’t even have to settle on one thing. Write about anything that takes your fancy at the time. You can always decide to specialise later. Enjoy it.

    1. Thank you!
      Haha, I don’t doubt that I am. A part of me wants to occupy myself with fewer things, take all my ambitions a little more slowly, but I think it would actually prove more stressful for me not to press on in several projects at a time. Creative writing and illustration are huge stress relievers for me. I need to keep my hands busy making something most of the time, and I think I’d feel unbearably restless if I devoted all my writerly attention on editing without working on anything new.
      And thanks for the reminder to enjoy it. It’s so easy to get pressuring myself so much that I forget to just settle down and take pleasure in what I’m doing in the moment.

      1. You must be far more able than me then, as I can only concentrate on writing one story at a time. I’m sure if I was doing two at once I’d let some of the characters from one story intermingle with the second one, ha ha. I too like to keep busy though and will paint as well as write, or cross-stitch while I’m also thinking up a plot. It’s great that you are so creative though and it will see you happily through life.

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